I am fully aware of the can of worms about to be opened. I'm going to open it anyway because thats just the kind of gal I am. I welcome the lively conversation that should ensue, and I look forward to comments and personal insights. This is a topic that has been hotly debated since Rosie and WWII: The stay-at-home-mom versus the mom that works outside of the home. Can opened.
I have always known that the position of stay-at-home-mom (SAHM from here on out) would not be for me. No, I do not look down on those that choose that position. No, I do not think I am better/stronger/smarter/more productive/etc than any mother that chooses to stay home full time with her children. However, I would like to say very LOUDLY that staying at home is not for everyone. Some moms (or dads) have to work (most families now require at least two full time incomes), and that is perfectly understandable and yet still frowned upon by many circles. Some moms simply are not meant to stay at home full time with their children and for whatever reason, people just can't seem to grasp that concept unless they are of the same mindset.
I am not a SAHM. I had my first go-round when I was on maternity leave with Josiah. Steve stayed home with me for two weeks and then I spent a week visiting my family before returning home to be "on my own" during the day. I called Steve at work almost nonstop. I shortened my maternity leave by two weeks - I was that anxious to get out of the house again. I.WENT.CRAZY. No joke.
We recently made this huge move and career change and I so quickly realized that this is not where I am supposed to be. I kept telling myself that it was only for a couple of months until January when I start classes again. Even so, it feels like forever.
Does this mean I love my children any less than the amazing mother that is thrilled to be at home? Nope, not a chance. It simply means that I am fully aware that I am a better mother when I have a job outside of the home. This week I have been overcome with guilt - hating this trapped feeling and then hating myself for hating it. Its a nasty cycle. The truth is, I shouldn't feel guilty. I love my kids something fierce. I just can't stay home with them 24/7. And that should be okay.
Being a SAHM is an amazing task. When I run down my day to my husband as its coming to a close, his jaw is dropping over all I try to accomplish in a day (with the help of my mom right now, thank God!). Its exhausting just planning out the day. Get kids up. Diapers changed. Make breakfast. Wipe kids up. Get kids dressed. Keep kids from hurting each other. Try to clean up breakfast before the dog gets it. Rescue baby from older sibling. Get babies to nap. Get babies up. Change diapers. Make lunch. Clean up lunch. Naps. Feed.Change.Help.Play.Change.Feed. Somehow you try to fit in 5 loads of laundry, washing/vacuuming the floors, something educational. BLEH. It is a very exhausting job, and I am the first to pipe in and vouch for the position of SAHM being a very tough career, under-appreciated, etc. But it isn't for everyone and that needs to be something that everyone can accept.
We've come a long way as a society in terms of accepting women in the workplace. The glass-ceiling phenomena is still present, but has been opened in many fields. Equal pay isn't quite there, but approaching albeit too slowly. People accept women in the workplace when it is a necessity. I am here to say that it should also be acceptable when women choose to work, even if they don't have to. I am no less a mother than anyone else for wanting to work outside the home. I honestly believe that my son does better in the daycare/school environment because his energy level thrives on solid structure, routine and constant activity - something I cannot give him when I am home with two babies. Is that me saying that someone else should have the task of raising my kids? Absolutely not. I am their mother. As such, I 'train them up in the way they should go', I set the example I want them to follow - and part of that role is also choosing the people I allow to have influence on them (ie daycare provider, etc) (all of this along with their father, of course).
People assume that I am struggling right now because of the extra obstacles being thrown at us right now. "She's exhausted from having a baby that screams all day", "She's stressed out because she has two very needy babies at home/her 4yr old is hyper/she has freaky migraines/etc". Let me just tell you that is not the case. It is exhausting and stressful to be dealing with all of these things, for sure. However, the root cause is that I am feeling trapped and feeling guilty about feeling that way. I want to finish my next degree. I want to be a professor. AND I want to be a mother. I should be able to do all of the above and not be made to feel that I am doing a disservice to my children. They will continue to be amazing, I assure you. And they will feel loved and not lack for attention. And my daughters (and Josiah!) will see me be a wife and mother and professional and I am so excited to see their dreams take root and encourage them to conquer their world too. If they should grow up and decide that they want to be SAHM's I will encourage them in that choice just as much as if they told me they wanted to be a surgeon. And I will make sure they know that either choice is okay because its THEIRS. And doing whats best for them will result in them being their best for their family.
Fire away..
