Birth Story Number Two: We'll call this one the whirlwind..

As Josiah was approaching two, we started to get questions as to when a sibling would be along. The truth was we didn't know if/when we'd be able to have another child, so after having Josiah, the doctors at Mayo started actually trying to figure everything out, though they are still scratching their heads to this day. After another year, we decided we would go ahead and use the help of fertility meds - simply because I've never had regular cycles with the weird female parts I was born with, and this should regulate things, etc. Well, no luck there. We then decided that we wanted to try an IUI because we knew that with my anatomy issues, the actual meeting up part was next to impossible (like I said in the previous post, Josiah was a BIG shock!). The first round was unsuccessful. They increased the dose of the medicine to try it again - on an ultrasound after this, they saw too many eggs reaching the right stage, so they said it was too risky and didn't proceed with a second IUI.... Well, on April Fool's Day 2009, we took a pregnancy test and what do you know? No IUI needed that time ;) We took a picture that day with a pair of pregnancy tests side by side just in case... and sure enough, two weeks later at our first ultrasound, there were two sacs clear as day.
This pregnancy was a journey from the beginning. Being a high risk preggo anyway, carrying one baby in each half-sized uterus knocked me into a crazy record book. Believe me, I looked it up many times. So did those fun doctors of mine ;) But through every scare of mine - they were all scares of mine. Those babies were totally healthy and growing just fine the entire time. I got to see them wiggle almost every week! I heard their heart beats every Friday! True, I also had to get a shot in the bum every Friday, but the heart beat made up for it ;) We found out at about 14 weeks that they were both girls and we were thrilled. We were hoping that at least one would be a girl, figuring that bringing our family to three all of a sudden, we would surely be done, especially with how difficult the getting pregnant process is on us. We spent the hot summer in the pool with my big ol belly and a few trips to the hospital, but again, the babies were always fine.
And then the birth story begins! (this is going to be long, first because the process started like 12 days before the actual birth and because I am being detailed for my own benefit - so brace yourself!) The last weekend in July, we made one last trip 'home' to the lake. I was 22.4weeks pregnant and we knew we wouldn't travel after that. That Saturday, 8/1, I started to bleed again - which had happened often during this pregnancy. Steve and I eventually decided that this was bad enough we would leave Josiah there and head toward Rochester just to get closer to our doctors. By the time we made the 10 minute drive into town from the lake, there was no question we had to go to the local hospital. We called our doctor and they told us to go in right away. They hooked us up to the monitors and could only find one heartbeat. I was just in unbelief. I remember nurses saying not to worry about it because its often hard to find them at first, etc. But time and again, she couldn't find a second one. Another nurse tried. Then a doctor finally arrived. I'll save my exchange with him for a different story. Needless to say I was not willing to believe what gathered family was listening to these people say. I heard a solid heart beat and I knew that all I could do was maintain my composure and be calm as to not give this baby any added stress. At one point I was given an oxygen mask I think? I guess I was having a hard time slowing my breathing...
I told Steve we needed to get to Mayo, and the doctor here kept telling me he had to keep me here until the baby was viable because I wasn't stable. (I didn't realize at the time that viability varies not only between hospitals but even different doctors have differing ideas. This guy wanted to keep me here until I reached 25 weeks.) I begged Steve - just call Mayo. He walked back into the room only a minute later and said they are coming to get you. WOW. Can I just throw that out there? They are amazing. Okay, back to the story. So then everything went into a tizzy because they first were thinking we were going to be on the helicopter and this was making everyone panic. They were weighing steve to see if he could go with me. I was just in a daze listening to the beeps of the heart monitor. Then they sent the jet instead and all was well.
These lovely people showed up - Tracy and Steve I think? - and they took over everything. Packaged me up on a lovely cot, got me on an ambulance and brought me to the local airport. They got me settled in to the bed on this awesome little jet and then got Steve strapped in. They warned me that this would be a strange sensation - laying down, taking off on this tiny, super fast jet... This thing takes off way faster than the planes we are used to flying on, and laying down feels so funny! It was odd! But the flight  was a quick 30 minutes - and then we were loaded into the hospital and they were just monitoring my belly the whole way. Too bad we didn't get a picture on the plane! (ha!)
We got to the hospital and were brought to the labor and delivery floor at first. Multiple ultrasounds by doctors I trusted, and they confirmed that they could only find one heartbeat. As this began to set in, I was just so determined to not let it hit me. I had to protect my other child from feeling any stress - so I did whatever I could to avoid feeling the situation. I'm not sure if that was right or healthy or not, but in the moment, thats what I had to do. Also strange, this baby had moved into the living baby's uterus. This was freaking everyone out which was making me panic. The risk of infection went up by a whole lot with that happening and no one knew how it had happened (which I think was what was more fascinating to them?). Infection meant that our other baby could die or would need to be delivered, and she definitely needed more time to cook! They got the bleeding under control and overnight the baby that had passed somehow got back to her own apartment (Thank you God!). We were kept in the hospital for a few days, given two doses of a steroid to give super powers to the surviving baby and then sent home on light bed rest.
During the early morning hours of August 13th, I started to feel pain on my left side - which is where Eden was (we had finally named them at that point!).  At this point, we knew that the right uterus, where Hannah was, was already contracting, the placenta was delivering, etc., but nothing too aggressive. However, we had been told that if anything happened on the left we should check it out immediately. Well, off and on through the night I would notice this and sort of think maybe I should call? It was happening every couple of minutes but it was pretty minor pain. I had been told that labor was just beneath a kidney stone on the pain scale. Having had a kidney stone in the past, thats what I was waiting for - this was nothing! So I got up about 6 and told Steve. We called and decided to shower and go in to just have it checked in case. We got in at about 7:30 and it turns out that I was in labor and was dilated to almost 3! Oops! I was freaking out - I think I actually told one of them (they knew me by name) "you're joking, right?!)... They seriously left the room for two seconds and came back with scrubs on. This was no joke. I said WHOA! Wait a minute... So they found my doctor, and he said that based on the fact that my heart rate was elevated and Eden's heart rate was elevated, there was a risk that we were both showing early signs of infection - so they needed to deliver immediately. They had earlier said that if I went into labor they would deliver Hannah and then close things up and leave Eden in if possible. Guess not! Within an hour of arrival, we were in the OR. Steve and I were literally freaking out. This is not at all what we were expecting - and we knew that Eden was definitely not ready to be out in the world. And guess what? All of those checks and exams and contractions suddenly become a million times worse when you are in the midst of a panic attack (my version of one).
They tried their darndest to give me a regular c-section, spinal and all. The spinal would not take. I tried SOHARD to pretend like I could not feel the test scratching of the knife or whatever it is they scratch you with when they test it. In the end I figured pretending wasn't smart. They waited as long as they could but they finally had to make the call that for the best interest of Eden and myself, they had to put me under completely. No big deal, right? This not only means that I would not be awake to meet my babies, but this meant that Steve would not be allowed in the operating room. This is a rule I do not understand, and still don't really understand. I vented a bit as I was falling asleep - I'm sure they cared. It also means that you don't have pain killers mixed in. The spinal has pain meds mixed in. When you wake up from this method - you have PAIN. Add that on top of everything from before and it was a bum deal.

Our first non-cell phone shot of Eden

But alas, shortly after waking up, I got to see this teeny, TINY, spec of a creature hidden in a ball of cotton in a little incubator on a cart they wheeled over to my bed. They let me touch her briefly before they whisked her off to her hospital across town. She was dark red and very veiny. I could not fathom how tiny she was and yet somehow she looked like she was supposed to.
Meanwhile, our other daughter was being cared for by some amazing nurses. For some reason I had decided that I would hold off on Hannah being brought in to my room until our family was close to town (they were racing from 4 hours away) so that we would all be with her at the same time. I have often wondered if this was the right choice - waiting so long - but alas, hindsight. At any rate, back to these amazing nurses. They washed Hannah, and made these precious molds of her teeny feet. They are so perfect - you can see the wrinkles in her ten tiny toes! They dressed her in a tiny, handmade purple outfit, which would likely fit a very small doll. A volunteer group makes these clothes and small blankets for just these situations, what a blessing. They wrapped her in this miniature handmade quilt and placed her in this basket with a knit hat on and brought her in so that we could hold her.

Hannah's perfect feet and tiny toes

A moment we will never forget

Over a year later I would admit to Steve that up until that day, I truly believed that God was going to give us two living babies even though one heart beat could not be found that Saturday. This baby was still in my belly, still connected and there was still plenty of room for a miracle. Holding her broke me to pieces. Thats a whole separate blog, friends. But it was somehow sweet all the same. We sang songs to her, and somehow squeezed out prayers while it was just Steve and I. They brought in a photographer and he took pictures for us. She deteriorated so quickly, it was so hard. By the time our family got there, it was hard for me to look at her. I wrapped her up even more, but they were able to hold her and say their goodbyes. All too soon it was clearly time to have the nurse take her away. The only way we survived that day is because we have no doubt that our child is in Heaven and that we will see her again!
The rest of that day included me getting an overdose of a variety of pain meds (remember how I mentioned that because they put me under I had no pain meds when I woke up?!) so nothing was getting on top of the pain... and everyone was fighting over who had to sit with little old me and who got to go see Eden ;) They set up a camera on Eden for me so I could just turn on my TV and watch her squirm - and squirm she did! - so I didn't feel too awful not being there. I was seriously just trying to fight my way into a deep pain med sleep... as much as I wanted to be with her, I needed some serious rest - probably more mentally than physically even with the pain I was fighting.

Mama's first visit to NICU

The next day I finally got to take an ambulance (seriously) over to see her. I cupped her in my hands and yet somehow still marveled at how big she was. When you see these preemies on the outside, you still can't fathom how something that big can grow inside of you - its odd. We put Steve's wedding ring on her as an ankle bracelet. She was just so small, and yet so incredibly perfect.

Love at first sight

The rest of her story you probably know. This was my least favorite c-section - but I learned after getting off of the crazy pain meds that next day that this crazy pain was because they had to make a cut in the wrong direction (i forget the medical term) because of the hurry. Basically, the uterus likes to be cut across - going with the grain, and one of mine had to be cut up and down, going against the grain. This equals a whole lot of pain. This also means that there would be no chance of vaginal delivery in my future. Well, I told my doctor we would not be trying to have any more kids... after all we had gone through to get pregnant and all we had dealt with during that pregnancy, we were done.
And God said stay tuned for the next installment....

A Birth Story of a Different Variety

I have read so many wonderful birth stories lately and for a few weeks now I have been pondering how best to put mine into words. Mine are so very different from the kind I have been reading about and somehow don't seem like they belong in that same collection of stories! But in the end, I think I've come to the conclusion that as a mom, its important to write the story - not only to pass it on to your child, but to once again relive those moments. And as a child, one day, it will be so precious to have that story, no matter what flavor it was. I also feel like its important to share because, lets face it, not everyone ends up getting the water birth they dream about after seeing it on A Baby Story. I always figured it would be me, but in the end, I didn't have that choice. I think its wise to go into the situation with the understanding that only God knows your birth story - you may have your birth plan mapped out, but that baby is going to come how he or she is going to come... I learned that first hand (more than once!)... now on to the story..

Our first pregnancy was a surprise in itself. About 2 months into our marriage, I went into the doctor for something somewhat routine and somehow ended up finding out that there was some sort of anomaly with my female organs (they didn't know quite what at the time) and we were told that we would not be able to get pregnant and if we did by chance get pregnant, we would not carry the baby to viability. Huh. Imagine that in a new marriage!

Fast forward four years and we had just moved to Rochester, MN and begun looking into the reproductive issues to see what kind of trouble/process it would actually be for us to try to get pregnant.... and wouldn't you know?! There we are - pregnant! What?! We were followed obnoxiously closely by the high risk perinatologist team at Mayo (and I am so thankful we were - ultrasounds almost weekly!).  At our first ultrasound at 8 weeks, they gathered a team of about 9 people in the room and Steve was blushing SO hard as they did both kinds of ultrasounds and checked everything out - everyone in awe of the lady with weird parts and no one knowing just what to do with me. The doctor restricted me from any exercise and said we needed to get to 17 weeks and then go from there. Our next goal was 24 weeks... All of these milestones came and went! I had a book of ultrasound pictures to show for it ;) In the end, their team debated as to whether or not they should let me try to deliver vaginally or not - they weren't sure if it was possible due to my anatomy. Well, Josiah answered that question and showed up breech at 34 weeks. Because he was in a half-sized uterus, the doctor said it was too risky (and too painful) to try to rotate him, so he scheduled the c-section for 39 weeks.

The morning of the operation I was bouncing off the walls, and a bit fiesty (I was so hungry!). We were scheduled for 8am, but they had 2 emergency sections come first, so we didn't get in until 1pm. Hungrier yet! We hadn't decided on a name yet and the debate continued. Its a big deal, naming a person! They brought me in to give me the spinal and I couldn't understand why Steve couldn't come with. Why is that? But I didn't know to ask. (I learned after this round!) This spinal was the worst thing! The site numbing shot took NINE tries. NINE!! If you've had one before, you may know, but that is so awfull! Then the spinal kicks in and its totally fine, but still! I was squeezing that poor nurses hand right off. I cannot focus on curving my back "just right" so that it doesn't hit the wrong spot, and holding still while you continue to poke me! It would be much wiser to allow the husband in, dear nurse! Then the legs go numb and the world is happy again. They laid me down, got my upper half some warm blankets and thats all I really cared about :)

They brought Steve in, all decked out in his scrubs and cameras. They sliced open the belly, said I might feel some pulling but I didn't feel a thing. Then they warned us that the baby would be out in a minute - so we said "quick, what is his name going to be?!" and Steve said "Josiah?" and I said "sure" (we had a list of three) and out he came, peeing everywhere. They showed him to me over the "keep you from puking everywhere" curtain and then Steve vanished for quite some time. I chatted with the lovely nurse who had forgiven me for squeezing so hard. Steve came back after a bit and gave me the measurements and left again, returning a few minutes later with Josiah in hand and I got to hold him and kiss his red face. Pure Bliss.

Little did I know I was swelling up like a balloon! Pictures from the recovery area and from that day in my room show me with 20 pounds I didn't have from the moments before the operation. Clearly I took those IV fluids in or something! YIKES. SO I don't display those at home! But I was up and walking that afternoon, and enjoying every minute with this new, peaceful little bundle. Steve changed his first poopy diaper and wanted to video tape it! Those are the moments you want to remember. We sent Josiah to the hospital nursery that night knowing that it would be our last night of sleep for years to come. We talked about that nursery bill for a few years after that ;) Because I recovered so quickly, they sent us home a day early - and we both were so nervous, that they were allowing us to go home with this new baby. A little life we were now responsible for?! All they gave us were a few papers as a means of an instruction manual?! Somehow, we all survived :)

I have often said that I am glad I had a c-section, and I think that is really the truth. I don't know that I would have elected one, but perhaps for me it was good that I needed one? ;) I felt no pain - while I have a pretty high pain tolerance, I was able to be totally relaxed, laughing, chatting up Steve and the staff, etc. Another reason it worked well for me is that I recover well from surgeries - I was able to be up and moving that same day, which of course aided the recovery. I was able to cut my LOA short when I ended up going stir crazy, etc.. Had I been able to exercise during the pregnancy, I probably would have bounced back into my jeans better too ;) But truthfully, knowing I was not a candidate for the water birth I wanted, I don't think I would have wanted it any other way. I don't mind going through life not experiencing 48 hours of labor, not experiencing my water breaking, etc. I'm SO happy and thrilled for my lovely ladies that get to experience all of that!!! But I am content to live vicariously through all of you ;)

Library Books, Babies, Parking Tickets...

And updates on this blog! Things that are long overdue. I cannot believe it has taken me a month to get a post up. Actually, I can. The past month has been a blur. My head is foggy and my speech has literally started to slur a little. Meh. Lets get this party started! First, let me note that it is 10:00pm. I am watching a commercial for the cremation society and there is a group discussing what they are going to do with their savings over dinner with jazzy music in the background. One is vacationing in Hawaii. They are all just a little TOO excited to be saving this much money by choosing cremation. Creepy. I haven't been up this late in a while. This is my disclaimer, you have been warned - back to business.

Delia: Delia is six months now and is 18lbs 8oz. No joke. She is 88% for weight but is slowly catching up for height... I think it was closer to 20% now. Her head is off the chart still, just like her brother. She is a big girl! She is so happy though, shoving anything and everything in her mouth, babbling like crazy, and winding her body around like the hands of a clock. She is starting to sit up on her own, but not really into rolling yet (its a lot to roll!). She is eating like crazy now! She started off with cereal pretty tentatively, but once I gave her actual veggies, she just loved it! She has tried all kinds of things now and seems to love all of them. Her current obsessions are food, fists, and really anything in her mouth!

Eden: Eden is 18 months now and 22lbs. She is 10% for weight - she made the chart :) She is ridiculously smart - we just continue to be in awe of how smart she is! She loves to read I Spy books. She will point at items on one page and find them on the opposite page with no help. She is walking everywhere, getting into everything and thinks she runs the show. When daddy is home, she probably does :) She has become much more interested in her little sister and likes to sit by her and "play with her" now which is fun to watch. Her stubbornness and attitude is still very present. She still isn't talking so we continue to work with a speech therapist... Her current obsessions: Socks (she finds socks anywhere and will hold on to them for an entire day!), books and blankets (will walk/trip around the house with one for long periods of time).

Josiah: Just turned 5! Crazy! He is in 90% for height and weight! The doctor looked at him yesterday and said he must just be pure muscle because as much as he weighs there is no fat on him! Crazy. We had his teacher conferences tonight and she was so impressed with his sight words. He is reading his Spiderman books and he is just so proud! I am ready for more variety, but I can't complain ;) He just finished swimming lessons and got bumped up a level - he has become quite a fish in the water, which is so fun. We are definitely eager for spring to get him outside to burn off more of his crazy energy :) His current obsessions: Trains! Legos! Trains! Legos! Trains!

We sold our house as of today!! Praise God for that! It is such a sad thing - or mixed feelings I suppose would be a better way to say it. Our first house, and we LOVED that house. But its also such a bummer to give up something you really had such feelings for in a housing market such as this one :( In the end, we are selling the house for less than what it is worth. The sale price is more than what we owe, thankfully, but with fees and closing costs, we won't come out ahead by any means - and it just stinks that we have to end our time with this cherished home on a sour note. I think thats what it is that is making it hard..

We are moving this week! Our cousins have been completely renovating a house in Fergus Falls and we've been helping with the finishing touches and will be moving in and renting from them. SOO excited to finally be able to move in and have a space to ourselves and get settled! I think it will be great for the kids - Josiah in particular - to have that as well.  Anyways, there are a million reasons why it will be wonderful to be settling in. We plan on renting for about a year I think... we'll see what God has in store ;)

Also - medical update! I have switched medicines and I have not had a crazy headache episode for about a month or so now! I am able to drive again! Praise God for that! It has some odd side effects, but so far, the trade off seems to be worth it. Thank you all so much for your prayers!

Steve is still loving his job. He enjoys the commute for the most part, though it makes for longer days on the homefront. We'll rent for this year and see what we think about the commute after that - then decide if we want to live a little closer to his job...

The internet is crazy slow tonight out here, so I will have to try adding pictures tomorrow - sorry! And wow. Its almost eleven now. I can't believe my eyes are still open ;)