This blog post has been stirring in my heart for months, rolling in the back of my mind as I debated whether or not I wanted to cross THAT line. I'm a line crosser, as you know, but I try to step carefully whenever possible. Boldly only when I have to. When I started my latest grad school endeavor and thesis writing was being discussed the idea hit me like a smack in the face. And as I sat across the table from a dear friend sharing our passion for good food and our hearts for this discussion, I had to wonder why I had waited so long to share my heart about this with those around me but I was jumping in wholeheartedly for a team of professors and conference attendees (fingers crossed!). I have several theories about that, but we'll save that for later.. For now, I just feel like I need to share my heart on the issue.
Motherhood has become a competition. And I hate it. Lets just throw that out on the table. Hang with me here. Today more than ever, we are blasted with society's expectations of what it means to be a "good" mother. News media, advertising, blogs, commercials, magazines, tweets, and Facebook. All day long, we as mothers are bombarded with other people tellings us how to perform our role. Whether or not we should breastfeed our child (and if so, how long we should continue to breastfeed). Should we use cloth diaper or disposables. Whether or not you should homeschool. Whether or not you should practice babywearing. Only feed your child organic, scratch-cooked foods. Which language you should teach your child. Whether or not you should make your own cleaning products. Whether or not to spank your children. The list goes on and on. Every single aspect of your role (my role) as a mom is thrown at you by all of these sources of media (and our friends!) - and what is the result?
The result is that -like it or not- this is hurting moms all around us. A mom shouldn't be made to feel like they are any better or worse of a mother if they choose to put their baby in disposable diapers or if they choose cloth. A mom shouldn't be looked down on because they send their child to public school, or they send their child to private school or if they choose homeschool. If I serve organic foods only half of the time, I shouldn't be made to feel like I am poisoning my kids, or that I am any less of a mother than someone that serves only organic, local produce. If I choose not to spank my children and I have solid Biblical reasoning for that, I should not be told I am wrong because you have found verses to support your choice.
NO mother should be frowned upon for their choice about feeding their child. I feel like I should say that ten million times. Some mothers have no choice - some mothers cannot make any/enough milk and cannot breastfeed. Some mothers make the choice for formula for other reasons. But it is their choice. Research that I am looking at right now has shown that this one single issue has led new moms to serious depression, loss of joy, feelings of guilt, etc. - all because they feel shamed by the fact that they either were not able to do what they were told by society was expected of them in terms of infant feeding, or shamed by the fact that they chose formula. It makes me so sad that as women we are making other women feel that way - when as new moms they should be at the height of their joy! Just because something is the right choice for you and your child, does not mean it is the only choice or the right choice for the lady next to you. (phew..)
I think what is so tricky about these issues for us as women is that we are so incredibly passionate about them because, well, we are passionate about everything, but because we are so passionate about our kids. When we get on to these topics we dive in so eagerly. But what we don't realize is that we tend to come off as though we are pushing our agenda instead of simply sharing our ideas. I recently read a great post by my friend Vanessa who wrote about her decision to homeschool, and I was just so proud of how she framed that discussion. She came right out and said she was so hesitant for these very reasons - and this is really what got my wheels spinning!
Let me tread very carefully here, but please hear me out: I feel like as Christian women, we can tend to be that much more passionate about our beliefs and child rearing or homemaking practices - and without even realizing we are doing so, we tend to be trying to one-up those around us (posting amazing facebook statuses!), or at the very least rather than "humble ourselves", we try to make it known that our practices are clearly the superior ones. I have never felt more judged than I have in the small, fishbowl town I recently moved back to. For wanting to work outside the home, for not homeschooling, for not breastfeeding, etc. I feel like at times we can hold our religious beliefs as an air of superiority, when in truth we are all heiresses in the same right.
And rather than trying to convert one another to a different team, what we should be doing is supporting one another no matter what. Unless something wild and whacky is going on, it really is going to be okay if you and I and Jane down the street all make different choices about what kind of kindergarten we send our kids to. Instead of competing with one another, lets be honest with each other. The fact is, this is a tough job! If we could get down and real with each other and truly come alongside one another in prayer and do life together - wow. Doesn't that sound so much better? It kind of sounds like a beach...
